In India Girls are Disappearing by the Millions

Female infanticide in India has led to an alarming gender gap in the population with experts estimating 50 million more males than females.101 East investigates why India cannot or will not protect its baby girls.

Female infanticide – Part 1

Female infanticide – Part 2

Sex Selection Being Offered as ‘Family Balancing Services’

U.S. clinic offers British parents the opportunity to choose the sex of their child

British couples are being offered the chance to choose the sex of their child in a U.S. clinic.

The controversial practice – known as pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) – is banned in this country, except in cases where it could signal genetic disease.

Fifty per cent of the embryos currently being tested in Dr Jeffrey Steinberg’s New York clinic are said to belong to Britons while another four will undergo testing next month.

The American laws on sex selection changed in 2001 leading to medical centres offering ‘family balancing services’.

The cost of the service and travel expenses can total £20,000.

Dr Steinberg, who opened his clinic in January, told The Times: ‘Britain is far more conservative than it used to be. They were the innovators but now they’ve got handcuffs on.

‘From a business standpoint, it’s the best thing going. From a medical standpoint, it’s a travesty.’

Pro-life supporters have criticised the practice, where ‘undesirable’ embryos are destroyed.

According to The Telegraph, the Pope has highlighted an ‘obsessive search for the perfect child’ and warned that a ‘new mentality is creeping in that tends to justify a different consideration of life and personal dignity’.

Death from Cancer of a Misogynist Mindset

It was a year ago today that my friend Serena left this world for the next. I had visited her earlier that day. Even then she was already gone from this place. She had lain motionless for many days but the warmth of her hand in mine gave proof to her physical presence.

She was moved into the social room three weeks earlier when her hospital team assured that death was drawing near. “It will be tonight or tomorrow”, we we’re told, with the suggestion to call anyone who wanted to see her one last time.

Initially the room was abuzz with friends and family but the visits and visitors became less as she lingered in an emaciated, fetid body long beyond what anyone, especially her doctors, imagined possible. Only her parents were persistently present until the very end, living with her in her room. It was her mom who taught the nurses how to properly care for her daughter, how to change her dressings and clean her without causing too much distress to her painful body.

With the deepening of the disease and the amount of narcotics given in an effort to quell her pain, she wasn’t fully conscious, at least not to our sensibilities. I’d sit by her bedside and watch her face, trying to comprehend where she was retreating to, while recalling the late night conversations we use to have into the early morning hours. Now she was quiet. I could see through the slight opening in her mouth that her tongue had turned ashen white. It had the appearance of a pumice stone, shriveled and hard from lack of moisture.

It was frustrating not being able to talk, but one day I realized we could still communicate, without our tongues. On that day she told me that she was scared, that she did not want to die. This was evident to all of us who we were astonished at her tenacity in holding on for dear life. The doctors were confounded at how she was managing to survive despite her deteriorating condition.

It had been weeks since she had received nourishment yet she continued breathing and struggling to stay alive. At times it looked as if she was gritting her teeth to prevent her last breath from escaping her body. Serena had once fasted for 52 days – until she reached 106 pounds – the weight that a former lover whom she still pined for told her was ideal for her stature. Her ability to forgo food for a prolonged period may have been a contributing factor in her staying power.

While sitting with her in the hospital, and for months following her death, comments that she had made to me, floated back into focus. Pieces of a seemingly cryptic puzzle started to fit together into a plausible reason why such a vibrant person left her life in what seemed a sudden, inexplicable manner, at 56 years of age.

Serena, who as a young woman was married to a famous Chilean rock star, was physically attractive. She seldom painted her face, nor did she ascribe to the glamour or fashion notion of beauty. She did however, cover the silver that infiltrated her brown hair and dressed youthfully. Like many women, she didn’t want age to steal her beauty. One day – her dark eyes looking troubled – she told me that men did not look at her the way they use to. “When I lived in Hawaii, I got a lot of attention from men. Now no one notices me.” Coupled with a series of failed relationships, it seemed that she had lost her sense of self-worth.

“On an attractiveness scale of 1-10, I think I’m probably a 7, and you may be an 8” she proclaimed one day. Out of nowhere statements related to her appearance would come and just as quickly recede. They always caught me by surprise so I seldom gave much thought or response to them, but later I could see that it was something that was eating at her.

Menopause took a cruel toll on her, which was likely partly due to her fear of growing older. She once told me that a woman in her 20’s elatedly exclaimed how much she could learn from a crone like Serena. What was given as a compliment was considered an insult.

Once upon a time it would have been a compliment. Elder women, grandmothers, and crones played an important role in the community. Indeed, they have a great deal to teach the younger generations. It is evident in many societies that this role is not being fulfilled today. If women obsess on retaining youth rather than embracing the role of an elder, who will provide guidance and leadership?

It’s understandable, my friend’s fear of growing old, in a society where aging women are often passed up in favor of their younger counterparts. In conversation with a woman about this issue a few days ago, she told me that one of her clients said her husband, bag in hand standing at the front door, said he was leaving her for a younger woman. He gave no warning, offered no explanation, there was no conversation.

Women fear growing older because they fear not being loved. Not being worthy of love. The multi-billion dollar beauty industry sends women this message. Cover the gray, botox the wrinkles, hide signs of growing older with anti-aging creams, lotions and potions. The message is clear: we don’t like the way you look, please do something about it so that your appearance is more acceptable to the world.

There were a few other pieces to the puzzle too. Serena was childless and on one occasion told me she’d have no one to care for her when she grew old. In her younger years she traveled the world extensively with no time to settle down and raise a family. She said she always thought she’d have time for that later and when later came it was too late.

Lack of her own family, and the issue of finances, suddenly became concerns for her when menopause consumed her energy and motivation. When I met her five years earlier she was carefree, always wildly laughing and in love with life. It was the two years preceding her death that I watched her slowly stop participating in it. She was overwhelmed by it. Completely overwhelmed by every facet of her life.

So when the cancer came, and plopped itself onto her vulva, and she was told the only solution was to cut it away, to basically dissect her femaleness, it consumed her with fear. I think she sensed something had invaded her body long before the cancer presented itself, but like her pending death, she tried to deny it, wish it away. It was a long time before she would admit that she had cancer to anyone. Heavily influenced by the film “The Secret”, she told me talking about the cancer would give it power, make it proliferate. She visited psychic after psychic trying to comprehend why she had been stricken. While none could provide her with that insight, there was an interesting phenomenon. Most all of them said the same thing – that she was blocking healing.

As I watched her wither away and go back to the place where we all come from, I pondered the paradox. She had stopped participating in her life, but once she realized she was dying she fiercely clung to it, denying the seriousness of her condition, refusing to believe she was dying. One of her doctors said she couldn’t figure out why someone with Serena’s sense of spirituality was not going into death with grace, why she was fighting it.

She fought because she wanted to live, but she wanted her old (younger) self back. Her vitality, her passion, her joie de vivre. She worked hard to get it back refusing surgery, opting for less invasive therapies. This resulted in exhausting battles with some of her friends who were furious that she would not submit to the surgery and essentially allow herself to be castrated. They could not understand why she would not acquiesce and settle for a life less than the one she had already resigned herself from.

What made my friend beautiful was her spirit – it shone through in the brightness of her eyes when she smiled. The way she attracted people to her with her generous, gregarious nature, she made look effortless. She cared about people. She had once told me that she wanted to return a bodhisattva to help suffering beings. Maybe she’s back doing that now; the earthly plane is in desperate need. I hope she starts with the cancer of a misogynist mindset that undermines the wisdom of women in favor of their physical appearance. That she helps young girls understand that their beauty is in their consciousness, their dreams, in their compassion. So that they will not ever feel the desire to purge anything from their body but the lies that belittle and scar them for being female.

Arranged Marriage – From the Film ’Outsourced’

This is a clip from the 2006 film ‘Outsourced’. While not surprising that the issue of arranged marriage was discussed in the movie, i do find it remarkable that it was a woman taking the role.

A few things to point out in this 1:11 minute dialogue:

“I’ll Learn to Love him”

First comes marriage then comes love, or so the theory goes. However, in many Indian arranged marriages, the love never manifests. When families are shopping for a potential mate astrological charts are compared in an effort to find the most suitable match. If the stars line up favorably (along with other factors) an astrologically auspicious wedding date is set. A woman’s worth as a wife and daughter-in-law is oftentimes related to the amount of material wealth she brings into the marriage, followed by her bearing male heirs.

“What about the Right to Choose for Yourself?”

Choosing ones own marriage partner is rarely given or taken in India. It is felt that one’s parents know best, but there are deeper factors at play – economic, social (casteism), political. Many are promised to another family in marriage as children (as is portrayed here, at the age of four). And as consumerism grows in modernizing India, a sizeable dowry is a must. Cash, cars, homes, gold, appliances…

“I just can’t believe that someone as strong, and smart as opinioned as you would settle for arranged marriage.”

The character in the film is ‘strong, smart and opinionated’, but she is still under the control of her culture and family. I’ve had this discussion with many men and women in India. The majority truly believe that the person they are fated to spend their life with is best left to their family’s discretion.

“Some people would say America’s fifty percent Divorce rate is Crazy”

There is a myth that arranged marriages are so successful that divorce is virtually non-existent in India. In fact, it is a phenomenon that is growing, especially in the cities. However, considering that adults are not allowed free choice in marrying, how would they be allowed to divorce?

“Will you Tell Ashok about Us?”

I purposefully cut the dialogue at that question because it was a naïve one. Anyone with a cursory knowledge of India and more importantly, Indian women, would know the answer to that. For an Indian woman to tell her betrothed that she had an ‘illicit’ affair with another man would most likely prove disastrous or even dangerous. Women are fully expected to come into the marriage virginally pure.

The House is on Fire!

In my entry of July 1st I explained why I’d been absent from posting anything new towards my project. My blog has yielded little else since, sans one (important) article. However, the news articles – each citing serious abuses of Indian women and girls – continue to pour in on a daily basis. I’d like to reiterate that this project is vitally important to me, and one that I am committed to return to in the future.

What has my immediate attention is the collapsing economy of the United States, and the myriad of issues surrounding it. Therefore, at this point in time, with the House on Fire, so to speak, I feel that I need to direct my energies into posting articles and videos that are pertinent to what is transpiring, into what many analysts are forecasting will be a full-blown economic collapse of America. This, as you may well imagine, has far-reaching global implications. In my efforts to be personally prepared, and help inform others, this is where I need to concentrate my time and energy.

On the newly created site I’ll also be revisiting activism that I’ve been involved with in the past, on issues of healthcare (primarily the inherent abuses in the system), and inhumane policies of the U.S. government, with the goal of connecting the dots to show how these issues are all related. And therefore, pertinent to understanding the whole picture.

Please consider visiting and book marking the site – peaceRebelgirl that I’ve set up for this. I invite you to contribute your personal knowledge and experience to help educate and inform others. I’d like this to be a place where we can network. We each have a personal responsibility to help make the world a safer, healthier and just place for all beings. Peace depends on each one of us – on me and YOU!

Child Marriage as an Human Rights Issue

This important article was brought to my attention by reader Tomas Eric Nordlander of Human Rights Defence

Written by Arun Kumar
Sunday, 19 October 2008

Present time, child marriage is a curse in the global society. Child marriage is a violation of human rights. In most cases young girls get married off to significantly older men when they are still children. Child marriages must be viewed within a context of force and coercion, involving pressure and emotional blackmail, and children that lack the choice or capacity to give their full consent. Child marriage must therefore always be considered forced marriage because valid consent is absent – and often considered unnecessary. Child marriage is common practice in India, Niger, Bangladesh, Pakistan Guinea, Burkina Faso, Africa and Nepal, where mostly girls are married below the age of 18.

Consequences of child marriage

Child marriage has its own worse effect on the young girls, society, her children and health. Young girls who get married will most likely be forced into having sexual intercourse with their, usually much older, husbands. This has severe negative health consequences as the girl is often not psychologically, physically and sexually mature. Child brides are likely to become pregnant at an early age and there is a strong correlation between the age of a mother and maternal mortality and morbidity. Girls aged 11-13 are five times more likely to die in pregnancy or childbirth than women aged 20-24 and girls aged 15-19 are twice as likely to die. Good prenatal care reduces the risk of childbirth complications, but in many instances, due to their limited autonomy or freedom of movement, young wives have no access to health services, which aggravates the risks of maternal complications and mortality for pregnant adolescents. Because young girls are not ready for the responsibilities and roles of being a wife, sexual partner and a mother, child marriage has a serious negative impact on their psychological well-being and personal development.

Psychological effect of the child marriage is worse than the physical effect of the young girl. Girls are disproportionately affected by HIV/AIDS as compared to boys due to physical and social factors. Young married girls are even at higher risk because their older husbands may already be infected in previous sexual relationships. Furthermore, the age difference between the girl and the husband and her low economic status make it almost impossible for the girl to negotiate safe sex or demand fidelity.

Young girls also have to face many domestic pressures. Mostly, Girls are used to beaten by their husbands including my country INDIA. Domestic violence seriously endangers the physical and mental health of women and girls and can even put their lives at risk.

Dowry is another part of this violence. Girls are forced to bring more dowries from their parents. If they do not bring they are harassed, some times they are burnt alive, often hanged, poisoned and killed by her familyBecause of our past traditional patriarchal society, there always remained gender inequalities as pointed by a great historian GERDA LERNER. Gender inequality is both a cause as well as a consequence of child marriage. Child brides usually have lower levels of education than girls who get married at an older age. Education is therefore seen as a way to prevent child marriages. Once a girl is married, she experiences a lack of autonomy to make personal decisions about her life.
To a limited extent, this affects the future of child, his education and health. Early marriage, together with its relation to low levels of education, high levels of violence and abuse, severe health risks and harmful power dynamics, results in increased vulnerability to poverty for girls and young women. So childe marriage has worse affects not only the mother of the child and child but also on the society.

Human Rights Violation

Child marriage is a violation of human rights and is prohibited by a number of international conventions and other instruments. Nonetheless, it is estimated that in the next ten years more than 100 million girls are likely to be married before the age of 18.

There are universal rules for the marriage and rules against the childe marriage. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948) states that men and women of full age are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution. Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending parties.

The Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination of Women (1979) states that the betrothal and the marriage of a child shall have no legal effect, and all necessary action, including legislation, should be taken to specify a minimum age for marriage and to make the registration of marriages in an official registry compulsory. In their general recommendations of 1994, the Committee considers that the minimum age for marriage should be 18 years for both men and women.

SOLUTION

We call on all governments to take all necessary action to end child marriage by:
The full implementation of the above mentioned Human Rights Conventions.
Adopting a clear and unambiguous position on child and forced marriages.
Introducing laws to rise the legal age of marriage to 18 years as a universal law.
Raising the awareness on the negative impacts of child marriage.
Promoting and protecting the sexual and reproductive health and rights of girls and young women, through legislation, availability of services and information and community outreach.
Promoting gender equality and the right of girls and young women to education.
Promoting higher education to all young girls so that they can decide what is important for their future.

As a conclusion it can be pointed out that childe marriage is a major subject of concern. It should be eradicated globally as soon as possible. it is up to us to solve this problem as we have created this inequality in the society.

Arun Kumar is pursuing a History honours (B.A.) IIndYR from Delhi College of Art and Commerce, at University of Delhi.

Tribute to a Dear Friend

I’ve not abandoned my project, nor my blog, or you, my readers. Since my return home from India there have been many things vying for my attention. Starting with the switching of gears from east to west. Re-entry can be a challenge after being out of country for such an extended period of time, but reorienting after this last and my previous journey was amazingly seamless, though my body lagged behind my mind in the process. I think it was the longing for roots, to sleep in my own bed, to be in the company of family and friends.

Sadly, I came home to see and converse with one of my dear friends a few last times before she slipped into a place where she could no longer speak. She was diagnosed with a gynecological cancer last summer. It took her life last week. I sat by her side, hand in mine, mostly during the last week of her life. Watching her, remembering times we shared, conversations we had, while processing her dying.

She was wildly vivacious, my friend. Her laugh – and she often found reason to laugh at things I said – filled the room with a rosy glow. The last few years she cried more than she laughed, her life challenges overwhelming to her. When I think back over the conversations we had during that time period, I recall her disappointments, her sadness, and her feelings of lack. She had stopped participating in her life, mostly, I think, because it became too much for her.

Sometime during the 80’s she had traveled around India for a year, studying music and Odissi dance. She returned to India briefly a few years ago to take a crash course in Ayurveda, but said that India was exhausting to her. She did however return with a lovely story.

She and a friend traveled to Amritsar together where they encountered a cycle rickshaw wallah who insisted on being their personal taxi while they were visiting the city. They initially resisted but his persistence won them over. They got to know him through their outings and learned that his cycle had been stolen a few months earlier. He told them how it had burdened he and his family since he now had to rent one and share his profits. Touched by his manner and story, they decided they wanted to gift him with his own cycle. He was beside himself with joy when they presented it to him, as were all the people who helped them along the way with finding the perfect one. I wish that I would have recorded her telling of the story; the details of it brought everyone she shared it with to tears. She was like that, giving and loving.

A few days after she left her body I think I saw her in the form of a deer that was glowing in the early morning light. Free, at peace, and illuminating.

A Satire on the Ridiculousness of Arranged Marriage

Video: Arranged Shag ~ Goodness Gracious Me

Nine Snakes or the Wedding’s Off

‘Age-old rituals’ trump government bans on many practices in india, including dowry, the use of ultrasound to determine the sex of a child, child marriage, and this practice, the demand for nine snakes in order to marry.

The bans are on paper only, not enforced, so the traditions continue.

A Country that Worships the Goddess is Killing its Women

After coming home from being away for several months, everything felt new, seemed strange, surreal. But only briefly, and then things realigned themselves and it’s as if I never left. After my third trip back from India, the only way I could convince myself that I was ever there was by frequenting the files on my computer that held the photos I had taken. Because it all felt like a dream. India is like being in a dream state, likely because it is fascinating beyond imagination. The fascination, some of it unbelievable, I find both alluring and appalling.

The temples, the artistry of them, are extraordinary. I’ve visited the Taj Mahal four times and still, I cannot get over it. But the temple I am really captivated by is quite different than the Taj, with few visitors, little attention paid to it. The 64-Yogini Hirapur Temple in Orissa. It’s ancient mystery is beguiling. The way it opens to the sky, 64 female figures encircling the inner sanctum of the stone shrine. Visiting the temple was the highlight of my journey, my primary reason for returning to India. My only regret is not having spent more time in the temple, to imbibe in the power of the yoginis.

India has many Goddesses of worship. I am particularly fond of Parvati, representative of the benevolent aspect of the Goddess. Mother of Ganesh, Wife of Shiva, Parvati is the Mother Goddess. In India, the Goddess or Devi represents Shakti, the divine, creative power of the universe.

On my computer I have a burgeoning file of online articles on the topics of female feoticide, female infanticide, and dowry murders happening in India. A country that worships the Goddess is killing it’s women. It’s not a secret, it makes the news on a daily basis: Do Not Kill A Female Child implores Renuka Chowdhury, Union Minister of State for Women and Child Development, Stray dogs eat thrown away infant girl, 26-year-old kills self over dowry, Man films wife in bed to extract dowry, Indians abort 900,000 girl foetuses a year. These are just a few of the stories. Sensational as the titles may seem, it’s become a mainstream way of life in India.

Over the course of the next several weeks I’ll post some of these articles along with personal thoughts, and stories that I gathered on my travels. Though the issue of the genocide of Indian women (femicide) is no secret, it is heavily veiled and too seldom discussed. For the sake of India’s Daughters and for the liberation of women everywhere, it is time we started talking about it and working towards it’s eradication.