Tribute to a Dear Friend

I’ve not abandoned my project, nor my blog, or you, my readers. Since my return home from India there have been many things vying for my attention. Starting with the switching of gears from east to west. Re-entry can be a challenge after being out of country for such an extended period of time, but reorienting after this last and my previous journey was amazingly seamless, though my body lagged behind my mind in the process. I think it was the longing for roots, to sleep in my own bed, to be in the company of family and friends.

Sadly, I came home to see and converse with one of my dear friends a few last times before she slipped into a place where she could no longer speak. She was diagnosed with a gynecological cancer last summer. It took her life last week. I sat by her side, hand in mine, mostly during the last week of her life. Watching her, remembering times we shared, conversations we had, while processing her dying.

She was wildly vivacious, my friend. Her laugh – and she often found reason to laugh at things I said – filled the room with a rosy glow. The last few years she cried more than she laughed, her life challenges overwhelming to her. When I think back over the conversations we had during that time period, I recall her disappointments, her sadness, and her feelings of lack. She had stopped participating in her life, mostly, I think, because it became too much for her.

Sometime during the 80’s she had traveled around India for a year, studying music and Odissi dance. She returned to India briefly a few years ago to take a crash course in Ayurveda, but said that India was exhausting to her. She did however return with a lovely story.

She and a friend traveled to Amritsar together where they encountered a cycle rickshaw wallah who insisted on being their personal taxi while they were visiting the city. They initially resisted but his persistence won them over. They got to know him through their outings and learned that his cycle had been stolen a few months earlier. He told them how it had burdened he and his family since he now had to rent one and share his profits. Touched by his manner and story, they decided they wanted to gift him with his own cycle. He was beside himself with joy when they presented it to him, as were all the people who helped them along the way with finding the perfect one. I wish that I would have recorded her telling of the story; the details of it brought everyone she shared it with to tears. She was like that, giving and loving.

A few days after she left her body I think I saw her in the form of a deer that was glowing in the early morning light. Free, at peace, and illuminating.

Video: Arranged Shag ~ Goodness Gracious Me

Satire from the comedy Goodness Gracious Me injecting a little humor into the ridiculousness of arranged marriage.

Nine Snakes or the Wedding’s Off

‘Age-old rituals’ trump government bans on many practices in india, including dowry, the use of ultrasound to determine the sex of a child, child marriage, and this practice, the demand for nine snakes in order to marry.

The bans are on paper only, not enforced, so the traditions continue.

A Country that Worships the Goddess is Killing its Women

After coming home from being away for several months, everything felt new, seemed strange, surreal. But only briefly, and then things realigned themselves and it’s as if I never left. After my third trip back from India, the only way I could convince myself that I was ever there was by frequenting the files on my computer that held the photos I had taken. Because it all felt like a dream. India is like being in a dream state, likely because it is fascinating beyond imagination. The fascination, some of it unbelievable, I find both alluring and appalling.

The temples, the artistry of them, are extraordinary. I’ve visited the Taj Mahal four times and still, I cannot get over it. But the temple I am really captivated by is quite different than the Taj, with few visitors, little attention paid to it. The 64-Yogini Hirapur Temple in Orissa. It’s ancient mystery is beguiling. The way it opens to the sky, 64 female figures encircling the inner sanctum of the stone shrine. Visiting the temple was the highlight of my journey, my primary reason for returning to India. My only regret is not having spent more time in the temple, to imbibe in the power of the yoginis.

India has many Goddesses of worship. I am particularly fond of Parvati, representative of the benevolent aspect of the Goddess. Mother of Ganesh, Wife of Shiva, Parvati is the Mother Goddess. In India, the Goddess or Devi represents Shakti, the divine, creative power of the universe.

On my computer I have a burgeoning file of online articles on the topics of female feoticide, female infanticide, and dowry murders happening in India. A country that worships the Goddess is killing it’s women. It’s not a secret, it makes the news on a daily basis: Do Not Kill A Female Child implores Renuka Chowdhury, Union Minister of State for Women and Child Development, Stray dogs eat thrown away infant girl, 26-year-old kills self over dowry, Man films wife in bed to extract dowry, Indians abort 900,000 girl foetuses a year. These are just a few of the stories. Sensational as the titles may seem, it’s become a mainstream way of life in India.

Over the course of the next several weeks I’ll post some of these articles along with personal thoughts, and stories that I gathered on my travels. Though the issue of the genocide of Indian women (femicide) is no secret, it is heavily veiled and too seldom discussed. For the sake of India’s Daughters and for the liberation of women everywhere, it is time we started talking about it and working towards it’s eradication.

Interview With Rita Banerji of ‘50 Million Missing’

Rita Banerji is founder and chief administrator of the on-line international campaign 50 MILLION MISSING

A trained conservation biologist and ecologist, most of her work is women-focused.

Under the directive of Dr. Vandana Shiva, Rita worked on an ecological project for Chipko - a rural women’s grassroots movement in India - examining the role the local women played in preserving their environment. She has also been involved in projects that examine the roles that women have in the use of alternative energy resources, in traditional agriculture, and in the preservation of biodiversity in agriculture.

She is currently working on a non-fiction book to be released by Penguin (India) in July 2008.
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I recently met and spent time with Rita in her hometown of Calcutta. Her knowledge on the issue of the genocide of Indian women is extraordinary. What follows is a discussion on the subject of Rita’s campaign.

Barbara: What is the 50 Million Missing campaign?

Rita: The primary aim of the 50 Million Missing campaign, which was launched on the website flickr in December 2006, is to raise awareness both in India and internationally, about the millions of women that have been systematically eliminated from India’s population due to customs like female foeticide, infanticide and dowry murders.

The word ‘missing’ was coined by Dr. Amartya Sen to refer to the number of women that should have been in India’s population, according to the normal male/female ratio universal to the human species. In industrialized countries such as Europe or North America, where there is no gender preference at birth, the natural ratio of men to women is about 100:105. Dr. Sen used an even lower bench-mark - 100:102 men to women (which he got from sub-Saharan Africa which has, among developing countries, the least difference in survival factors such as birth, life span, etcetera, between men and women) as the average for developing countries. Then, comparing this average with the gender ratio from the census data in 1986, of 93 women to 100 men, Sen found that there were 9 women ‘missing’ for every 100 men, and concluded that (at that time) India was “missing” a total of about 37 million women. Of course, that number continues to escalate and now stands at about 50 million. Hence the campaign name — 50 Million Missing.

In the future we plan to implement ground projects that are geared towards change, but before we can make any changes we first have to make people aware that this is happening. Most people (not just outside India but also within) are either not aware of the situation or are in denial that it exists. The first and most important challenge of this campaign is to break down the doubt and denial.

Barbara: What prompted you to launch the campaign; how did you become involved with this issue?

Rita: About 5 years ago while doing research for my book I came across the issue of millions of ‘missing’ women in India. Although Dr. Sen had put out this information two decades ago (in the late 80’s) I only became aware of it recently. So I began to look for more information and was horrified by what I discovered. This is why I call it India’s ‘silent genocide.’ Because it is so hidden. It is the silent but targeted elimination of a group - women. And something has to be done.

Barbara: Has the campaign gained interest from others? Are you working with other Organizations on this issue?

Rita: We have administrators and moderators from 7 countries for our group on Flickr. The interactive website - with more than 1400 world-wide members - has information galleries, discussion galleries, and a photo gallery with more than 7000 photos of Indian girls and women.

The reaction from people is mixed. Those that are aware of the issue are indignant, and very supportive. Many people, I think, are still in disbelief or in denial – they know it’s true but that’s not the public image they want for India. This is the land of Buddha and Gandhi and the whole non-violence philosophy. How could we have exterminated 50 Million of our own people – our own family members – daughters, wives, and daughters-in-law? The very thought is ghastly. Among groups –there are groups like the HRLN (Human Rights Law Network) London based ASF (Acid Survivors Foundation) that we have a good working relationship with and will form productive partnerships with. But we are still looking for more energetic and efficient NGOs we can partner with to foster change.

The group is currently preparing to set up an organization in India that will work on its cause related projects.

Barbara: What do you wish to accomplish with the campaign?

Rita: The first thing we wish to do is STOP the killings – the infanticides and dowry murders, and STOP female foeticide as well. The problem is so massive that the only way to do it is to have the government enforce existing laws. That is why we have an online petition that we’ve started circulating. We want the Indian government to be held accountable.

The second thing we’ll do is launch ground projects that will address the mindset, since it’s quite clear to us that this is what the cause is. It’s not poverty, or illiteracy. It is a cultural mindset that is fundamentally misogynist. So we want to start effecting long term change to people’s thinking through seminars, workshops, school curriculum, etc. The means and methods have yet to be worked out. But this is a long term project that will have to be carried out in a very systematic and measured manner.

Barbara: What can the general public do to become involved?

Rita: The first thing they need to do is sign the petition. Every signature on that petition is a voice of dissent. It says “I want this genocide to stop and I want the government of India to take the responsibility to implement its laws to stop this genocide.” This is mass homicide (even if we don’t include the female foeticide issue here), and therefore essentially a case of massive malfunctioning of India’s system of law and order. So sign and get as many people as you know to sign the petition.

Secondly once we start our projects we will need volunteers to help out with the surveys etc. So volunteer your time, even if it is just 1 or 2 hours a month!

Some of the resources or advice or expertise we will need in our ground projects include medical assistance, psychological counseling, teaching, skills training. So if you can offer your assistance please contact us.

Finally, speak out! Talk about the issues involved. Don’t be a mute spectator to the abuse of young women for dowry whether it’s in your family or that of your neighbors. Speak up. Intervene. Talk about the compulsion you witness of parents willing to take loans to pay dowry. Of parents refusing to allow their daughters to return home even when they know she is being abused. Of families forcing their wives and daughter-in-laws to undergo multiple abortions.

Silence - when people see it and don’t talk about it - has been one of the biggest perpetrators of genocide the world over. And don’t use the excuses: “These things cannot be changed. Dowry is an old tradition. People want sons to support them in their old age and carry on the family’s name,” for that is resignation. That is a mindset that allows this genocide to exist. Allow it no room to exist.
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50 Million Missing
Please sign the petition

Women - Precious Jewels

In Calcutta, every few meters on the boulevard, are signs fastened to metal poles and scores of bigger-than-life billboards featuring glamorous women highly decorated in jewels and gold.

Their alluring smiles and ecstatic countenance as if to display a sense of happiness, fulfillment, makes me wonder what would happen if those signs were replaced with ones that speak of female feoticide and infanticide, of the dowry murders that plague India. Would it prompt women to long for the life, freedom, and power of themselves over the ephemeral pleasure that their jewels bring? How is it, I ask myself, that what a woman decorates herself with is more important than her safety, her liberty, her life?

What if the signs were like this instead…

Still from the Hindi Film Lajja

Skewed sex ratio in U.S.

Researchers from the Columbia University have published a study asserting that the 2000 census shows that the male-female sex ratio is skewed among U.S. born children of Indian parents, as well as with Korean and Chinese parents living in the U.S.

In India it is illegal to use tests or ultrasound to determine the gender of a fetus, but sex-selective abortion continues and is growing at an alarming rate. The United States has no laws against aborting a fetus based on gender.

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from: The Times of India

NEW DELHI: UK, Canada and now the US — India’s obsession with sons seems to be going much beyond its borders. So is its skewed sex ratio.

An analysis of the 2000 United States Census has found a son-biased sex ratio among US-born children of Indian parents, with the odds of a boy increasing if the previous offspring is a girl.

If the first is a girl, the sex ratio is 114 boys for 100 girls. The male bias is particularly evident among Indian parents when it comes to the third child: If the first two children are girls, the ratio becomes 198 boys for 100 girls.

Thanks to Asians, US has got a skewed sex ratio

“What are you doing in India?”

After nearly two months of traveling around India with first my sister and then my good friend, I’ve finally been able to shift my time and energy to focus on this project. Admittedly, the vastness of it can feel overwhelming to me, and at times, I don’t know how to proceed. There are layers, many of them ancient, but some of them newly formed, that are at work in the genocide of India’s female population.

As a foreigner, there are things that I cannot fully comprehend in a culture vastly different than my own. India is a paradox in many ways, with customs and codes that cannot be deciphered by an outsider looking in. Each time that I journey to and spend time in India I gain new knowledge, though just as it would surely take me lifetimes to traverse the expanse of this country, it would take at least that long to grasp the Soul of India.

Due to the sensitive nature of this subject, it’s not something that can be readily, openly discussed, though there have been situations where doing so has opened doors, connecting me to people and information that would not have otherwise been easily accessible. I generally go with a gut feeling whether it would be prudent to answer the common question asked of me, “What are you doing in India?” While there is no hesitation in telling inquirers that I am writing a book, the most common response I give when they ask about the subject matter is simply “on social issues.” Killing female fetuses and newborn babies, and murdering women for dowry, is not a simple or even possible subject to broach with many Indians. The same is true for some foreigners that I meet who show little to no interest in a crisis that is crippling a country that many of them would profess to love. I don’t think that we can truly love that which we fail to show concern for. Regardless of our country of origin, or of India’s longstanding cultural traditions, this is an issue that demands intensive international involvement, and with no positive bias towards customs that are responsible for the killing of India’s Daughters.

Presently in Calcutta, I came to the city to meet and collaborate with another freelance journalist, Rita Banerji. Rita has recently launched a campaign - 50 Million Missing - an online initiative addressing the genocide of Indian women. Stay tuned for an interview with Rita and more on how you can get involved by supporting the campaign.

Opening to India

I’ve finally, after a series of mishaps, made it to India. Possibly the setbacks were there to hone my patience and perseverance, to ready me for the trials to come.

India is a pungent teacher of patience and fortitude. Her revolutions move in mysterious convolutions that defy logic. Not unlike the winding alleyway to my hotel that confuses me in it’s curving path that veers in many directions that all ultimately lead to the same place. Being lost. In order to find. India teaches that. To lose yourself - your notions, truths, ideals, beliefs. Just let them all go, at least suspend them while traipsing within her perimeter. Not judging nor expecting, but rather observing, accepting. And feeling how fluently that moves in the psyche as compared to the way biases find places in our minds and bodies to latch onto and cause turmoil.

In some ways, India is like another home. There’s a familiarity of myself here. It’s the rawness of life that resonates with me, in its myriad forms - beautiful, grotesque, otherworldly. The systematic stripping away of distractions and compulsions; attachments that keep us from being fully present.

India wasn’t a lifelong dream for me, or a place that I felt drawn to. But one day in a hospice training, with the question posed – “What would you do with your life if you had one year to live?” – I heard myself answering, “I’d go to India”. I cannot really say where that answer came from; maybe I threw it out there because it sounded so outlandish. And wouldn’t we want do something completely out-of-character and crazy if we knew that we were on our way out? Our one last hurrah that would float us above the pain in the final moments.

Nine months after making that proclamation – long enough for the idea to gestate – I was in India. And totally out of my zones that shield and comfort me. Nearly the moment that I touched ground, ghosts starting coming out of my closet, one-by-one, surrounding and taunting me. Without the safety net of distractions, they made themselves visible and were not easily placated. India does that. Shows us where our suffering lies.

She shows us her suffering as well. I remember the odd looks and inquiries I received from the participants in the hospice training, wanting to know why on earth I’d choose to spend my final days immersed in a place of such great suffering. I still get that – people wanting to know, why India?

The only way I can answer is, in suffering, in our own or being a witness to it, there is an opening that occurs. That opening can consume or liberate us. Or both. Consume, then liberate. And just at the moment that we think we’ve been liberated, the consumption starts again. The suffering doesn’t just end, even when we beg it to. But I have learned that to observe it, allow myself to feel it, hold it, accept it, I can then let go of it. Not completely since our wounds leave scars, but enough to help me out of the fire and into the awareness of the lesson, that will, when I am ready, appear and show me a way through to the other side.

Namaste from India!

Patient in the Present

I am still here, at home. My flight to San Francisco was cancelled (apparently due to weather), and I remain in limbo while waiting for my ticket to get resolved.

Perhaps I was not yet ready for India since I was feeling poorly on my scheduled day of departure. I wasn’t feeling much better the following day when I returned to the airport, thinking that I would be flying out on a different international airline, only to once again be sent home. I was issued an incorrect exchange ticket but given a third one for the following day. Except that ticket was no good either, one that would have had me stranded since the domestic airline did not confirm it with the international one. Nor did they communicate to them that I would not be on the original flight, so on their schedule, I was considered a ‘no show’. Understandably, they do not want to give me another ticket. I see it as the fault of the domestic airline, but the travel agency where I bought the ticket (who initially refused to help sort this out) is trying to get the ticket fulfillment from the international one.

I am content to be here now, in this moment and place, although I am experiencing a sort of feeling between both worlds. My momentum got waylaid, and with the amount of energy, time and angst I spent in trying to get a new flight out, I used all my reserves.

It’s all a bit messy. I’m not sure how long it may take to sort it out, but in the meantime I am using my energy to regroup so by the time my ticket is rebooked, I am ready to begin again. I’ll keep you posted.